Twice as Good to Get Half as Much

Today was a very interesting day. I was actually contemplating on if I would post this or not. I wrote this in my journal first because I opted not to blog it. But then as I continue to write I realized that this does need to be blogged and seen by others who wear the mask. I am a very personal and private person. I know I put my entire life on social media, whether it is where I am or the things I am doing. However, I am very personal and private when it comes to my true self. Also, I am a guy so I don't share my feelings a lot. But I was compelled to blog this journal entry because it resonated deeply within my soul. I know that it will reach others and possibly explain why I am the way I am. 

I had a conversation with one of my colleagues and she asked me, "How often do you adjust with any condition? "Will  you be able to hang around poor people without feeling sorry for them and adjust without making them feel that they are poor?" Immediately, I was taken aback by her statement. She didn't realize how deep her question was to me. It threw me into a tail spin of questions where I critically analyzed myself, my actions, and my life. I began to think, "Was it something I said? Did I do something? What makes you think I am rich?" She added to question with "are you the type of American who likes expensive food, drinks, and clothes?" 

So there I was thinking and reflecting on all of my life's experiences and thought I'm not privileged and I don't come from an affluent background. Yet, something had to have sparked in her to ask those questions. What was it? Of course, I come from America. That impression of privilege and affluence is given for a developing country. The American Dream is alive in the eyes of those in developing countries. What else? I was blessed to obtain an education at the university level and  then I joined the Peace Corps. But that doesn't say to me that I am privileged. I joined to give back. I desire to be "one with the people" and join in solidarity with Africa and her struggles, in particular, Namibia. 

As I stated, I do not come from what I think is a privileged background. On the contrary, I grew up with the mantra which states: "You have to be twice as good to get half as much." The comment from my colleague made me think of this statement I heard growing up. The phrase is deeply rooted in the backwaters of the Mississippi to the Red Hills of Georgia. It is a vestige of Jim Crow segregation where African Americans believed that in order to sit at the front of the bus one would have to be twice as good. This motto is something that almost every African American of my generation and before has heard when they got in trouble, brought home a bad grade, didn't pass an exam, or didn't practice enough to win the "big" game in basketball or football. The stern look of every African American parent to their child: "You know if you want to make it in America, you have to be twice as good to get half as much." This charged motto may not be true for everyone but it was for me. I always thought that I was wasn't smart enough, fast enough, strong enough or tough enough to "make it." I didn't go to the best schools or get the best test scores. But what I did have was a strong military family who believed in my success and gave me the desire and willpower to go to college. 

It was through education that I realized I had a way out. It was a way for me to make it. In college I always joked that education was my side hustle. If I wasn't smart enough, I would hustle my way to be the best. I had to work harder, work smarter, arrive early, and leave late. I pushed myself. I networked with everyone and got the connections I wanted. I built relationships with key stakeholders. The crowning achievement of my tenacious work ethic was when I received Morgan State University's President's Second Mile Award which goes to the student who goes the second mile in student affairs. For lack of better words, it goes to the student who overachieves. But after our conversation, I thought to myself, "The twice as good motto is such a facade!" If we continue with the racially charged twice as good motto we will forfeit our ability to reach and touch the lives of the poor, the destitute, and the lame. Although I've held to the "twice as good" motto and it is sketched in my upbringing, I need to let it GO! It will limit the people that I will be able to reach here in Africa. 

I am reminded of what Jesus said in Luke 4:18-19, "The Spirit of the Lord is on me, because he has anointed me to preach good news to the poor He has sent me to proclaim freedom for the prisoners and recovery of sight for the blind, to release the oppressed, to proclaim the year of the Lord's favor." In this passage, Jesus has come for the poor. He sits with the sinners, the harlots, and the tax collectors. Not with the saints or the rich but he sat with the poor, the meek, and the humble.

This conversation also reminded me of the Paul Lawrence Dunbar's "We Wear the Mask." 

  WE wear the mask that grins and lies, 

    It hides our cheeks and shades our eyes,—      This debt we pay to human guile;      With torn and bleeding hearts we smile,      And mouth with myriad subtleties.
    In counting all our tears and sighs? 
    Nay, let them only see us, while 
            We wear the mask.
    To thee from tortured souls arise. 
    We sing, but oh the clay is vile 
    Beneath our feet, and long the mile; 
    But let the world dream otherwise, 
            We wear the mask!

    Why should the world be over-wise, 

    We smile, but, O great Christ, our cries 

Dunbar expresses the plight of the African American and the need to wear a mask. The mantra "twice as good to get half as much," is in fact a mask that Black Americans wear. Dunbar suggests that we wear the mask instead of crumbling to life's atrocities. We wear the mask to be strong when we want to be weak. The mask hides the baggy eyes of tiredness with 'grins and lies.' The "we" speaks of the collective consciousness of the black race. So does "twice as good," speak for the generational mindset of a people. The best option for someone wearing the mask is to be perceived on the superficial level. What you see is just a facade and not my real self. Likewise, "twice as good" is a mask to cover up what someone perceives they lack. I've noticed within myself that I, too, wear the mask to hide behind it and strive to be twice as good. But now my true self screams out, at what cost!? 

So now I will continue my journey to critically analyze myself and dismantle systems of institutional oppression. Yes, I know I have to be the best in any circumstance or environment. Yes, I will push myself to be smarter, faster, and stronger. But at what costs? The cost of limiting my effectiveness to reach the poor, the destitute, and the lame? The cost of wearing a mask to hide my true self, to hide who I really am, to keep up the appearance. As an avid church goer, I can sum up this blog by saying that it is no longer acceptable to have, maintain, or hold the "church-face." The "church face" is the phrase used in predominantly African American churches in which the lay member has the attitude of "I have it all together, everything is under control, everything is kosher, I'm enjoying Jesus, hallelu." Well, I don't have it all together, everything is not under control, everything is not kosher, but yet I am still enjoying Jesus, hallelu! 

Eugene Smith, M.A. 

This blog does not reflect the Peace Corps or the United States of America. 

Peace Corps Blog #1 - Awaiting Medical Clearance !

5/24/2013 - 2:49 A.M. EST

As I await final medical clearance, I thought it would be a good idea to begin my blogs or vlogs about my Peace Corps experience. I plan to do this monthly as I share my experiences from start to finish. I have been selected to serve in the Peace Corps in Namibia, Africa. I will be serving as an Education Volunteer in the Secondary and Upper Primary Project. I will be serving in Namibia from July 24, 2013 - September 18, 2015.

Briefly, the Secondary and Upper Primary project assists the Ministry of Education in its attempt to address the following issues, problems, and needs:
• Enhance the proficiency level of English as the medium of instruction in the Namibian Education System
• Improve and implement relevant secondary and upper primary education curriculum, exams, and resource materials.
• Address the shortage of teachers in subject areas such as English, Math and Science.
• Enhance knowledge and skills of less qualified upper primary and secondary teachers of English, Math, and Science.
• Enhance the skills of teachers and students in the use of English across the curriculum.
• Enhance the knowledge of teachers and students in environmental education.
• Assist Namibian schools to establish, maintain, or upgrade and use new school libraries, labs and other essential educational resources.
• Improve and expand access to innovative information technology for both learners and teachers.
• Assist the Education Ministry’s efforts with gender issues, especially in terms of high dropout ratio of females at the secondary level.

In order to be a successful volunteer, I need to be aware of the challenges and realities of being a volunteer in the Peace Corps. As an undergraduate student at Morgan State University, I had the privilege of knowing Mr. Ellis Brown. Mr. Ellis Brown is a Returned Peace Corps Volunteer who served in the 1980’s. Although his experience during his time of service may be different from today’s present volunteer, the realities and challenges are still the same.

The challenges of criminal activity in a volunteer’s community are very much real. Before I graduated with my Bachelor’s, I had several opportunities to talk with Mr. Brown about his Peace Corps experience. We discussed extensively that safety should be a high priority during my time of service. As a graduate student at Morgan State University, I began the application process with the understanding that there are real challenges to being a volunteer. I need to be cognizant of my African American identity and how that is expressed, viewed, and perceived.

Next, as a male I should be aware of the privileges that come along with being a male in communities where gender roles are present and dominance still exists. Identity privileges, specifically male privileges, have a tendency to silence female citizens and volunteers. In Namibia, there is a real struggle with gender issues as young females are discouraged from obtaining an education. With a Master of Arts in Higher Education, I would examine ways to combat social justice issues that relate to identity privileges. I may not be able to change the system but I would hope I can educate the community about social justice issues and women’s rights.

When I contemplate about being a Peace Corps volunteer, I can honestly say that there is nothing that I am looking for. I am a blank slate! I am truly and genuinely excited for this opportunity to serve. I am excited to serve because I expect to be exposed to a new culture and a new language. I understand that this exposure will lead to a new way of thinking and the development of multiple perspectives to view life. To understand that there are others that think and act differently from me is one of the keys to sound critical thinking. If more people can become tolerant of the differences of others, the world would be a much better place.

As a result of my background in Higher Education, we are taught to think about the way we view things and begin to think differently about it. We are also taught to consider diversity and multiculturalism and appreciate the complex lived experiences of others. To a greater extent, we are taught to value the cultures of others and through this meaning making process we can have the ability to empathize with students. At this point we can fully understand the students that we wish to serve. In the same context, I plan to have this mentality and an open heart so that I can fully experience a new culture that will change the way I think about student development in the school setting. My Master’s degree in Higher Education Administration has prepared me for this experience and now I can’t wait to put into practice what I have been taught in the classroom.

Stay tuned for Peace Corps Blog #2 as I look forward to chronicle my journey of adventure, self-discovery, and the pursuit of education. Please listen to my theme song: Tomorrow by Salif Keita http://youtu.be/NeTzJJNuRyw

Education Matters,

E. H. Smith, M. A.