Twice as Good to Get Half as Much

Today was a very interesting day. I was actually contemplating on if I would post this or not. I wrote this in my journal first because I opted not to blog it. But then as I continue to write I realized that this does need to be blogged and seen by others who wear the mask. I am a very personal and private person. I know I put my entire life on social media, whether it is where I am or the things I am doing. However, I am very personal and private when it comes to my true self. Also, I am a guy so I don't share my feelings a lot. But I was compelled to blog this journal entry because it resonated deeply within my soul. I know that it will reach others and possibly explain why I am the way I am. 

I had a conversation with one of my colleagues and she asked me, "How often do you adjust with any condition? "Will  you be able to hang around poor people without feeling sorry for them and adjust without making them feel that they are poor?" Immediately, I was taken aback by her statement. She didn't realize how deep her question was to me. It threw me into a tail spin of questions where I critically analyzed myself, my actions, and my life. I began to think, "Was it something I said? Did I do something? What makes you think I am rich?" She added to question with "are you the type of American who likes expensive food, drinks, and clothes?" 

So there I was thinking and reflecting on all of my life's experiences and thought I'm not privileged and I don't come from an affluent background. Yet, something had to have sparked in her to ask those questions. What was it? Of course, I come from America. That impression of privilege and affluence is given for a developing country. The American Dream is alive in the eyes of those in developing countries. What else? I was blessed to obtain an education at the university level and  then I joined the Peace Corps. But that doesn't say to me that I am privileged. I joined to give back. I desire to be "one with the people" and join in solidarity with Africa and her struggles, in particular, Namibia. 

As I stated, I do not come from what I think is a privileged background. On the contrary, I grew up with the mantra which states: "You have to be twice as good to get half as much." The comment from my colleague made me think of this statement I heard growing up. The phrase is deeply rooted in the backwaters of the Mississippi to the Red Hills of Georgia. It is a vestige of Jim Crow segregation where African Americans believed that in order to sit at the front of the bus one would have to be twice as good. This motto is something that almost every African American of my generation and before has heard when they got in trouble, brought home a bad grade, didn't pass an exam, or didn't practice enough to win the "big" game in basketball or football. The stern look of every African American parent to their child: "You know if you want to make it in America, you have to be twice as good to get half as much." This charged motto may not be true for everyone but it was for me. I always thought that I was wasn't smart enough, fast enough, strong enough or tough enough to "make it." I didn't go to the best schools or get the best test scores. But what I did have was a strong military family who believed in my success and gave me the desire and willpower to go to college. 

It was through education that I realized I had a way out. It was a way for me to make it. In college I always joked that education was my side hustle. If I wasn't smart enough, I would hustle my way to be the best. I had to work harder, work smarter, arrive early, and leave late. I pushed myself. I networked with everyone and got the connections I wanted. I built relationships with key stakeholders. The crowning achievement of my tenacious work ethic was when I received Morgan State University's President's Second Mile Award which goes to the student who goes the second mile in student affairs. For lack of better words, it goes to the student who overachieves. But after our conversation, I thought to myself, "The twice as good motto is such a facade!" If we continue with the racially charged twice as good motto we will forfeit our ability to reach and touch the lives of the poor, the destitute, and the lame. Although I've held to the "twice as good" motto and it is sketched in my upbringing, I need to let it GO! It will limit the people that I will be able to reach here in Africa. 

I am reminded of what Jesus said in Luke 4:18-19, "The Spirit of the Lord is on me, because he has anointed me to preach good news to the poor He has sent me to proclaim freedom for the prisoners and recovery of sight for the blind, to release the oppressed, to proclaim the year of the Lord's favor." In this passage, Jesus has come for the poor. He sits with the sinners, the harlots, and the tax collectors. Not with the saints or the rich but he sat with the poor, the meek, and the humble.

This conversation also reminded me of the Paul Lawrence Dunbar's "We Wear the Mask." 

  WE wear the mask that grins and lies, 

    It hides our cheeks and shades our eyes,—      This debt we pay to human guile;      With torn and bleeding hearts we smile,      And mouth with myriad subtleties.
    In counting all our tears and sighs? 
    Nay, let them only see us, while 
            We wear the mask.
    To thee from tortured souls arise. 
    We sing, but oh the clay is vile 
    Beneath our feet, and long the mile; 
    But let the world dream otherwise, 
            We wear the mask!

    Why should the world be over-wise, 

    We smile, but, O great Christ, our cries 

Dunbar expresses the plight of the African American and the need to wear a mask. The mantra "twice as good to get half as much," is in fact a mask that Black Americans wear. Dunbar suggests that we wear the mask instead of crumbling to life's atrocities. We wear the mask to be strong when we want to be weak. The mask hides the baggy eyes of tiredness with 'grins and lies.' The "we" speaks of the collective consciousness of the black race. So does "twice as good," speak for the generational mindset of a people. The best option for someone wearing the mask is to be perceived on the superficial level. What you see is just a facade and not my real self. Likewise, "twice as good" is a mask to cover up what someone perceives they lack. I've noticed within myself that I, too, wear the mask to hide behind it and strive to be twice as good. But now my true self screams out, at what cost!? 

So now I will continue my journey to critically analyze myself and dismantle systems of institutional oppression. Yes, I know I have to be the best in any circumstance or environment. Yes, I will push myself to be smarter, faster, and stronger. But at what costs? The cost of limiting my effectiveness to reach the poor, the destitute, and the lame? The cost of wearing a mask to hide my true self, to hide who I really am, to keep up the appearance. As an avid church goer, I can sum up this blog by saying that it is no longer acceptable to have, maintain, or hold the "church-face." The "church face" is the phrase used in predominantly African American churches in which the lay member has the attitude of "I have it all together, everything is under control, everything is kosher, I'm enjoying Jesus, hallelu." Well, I don't have it all together, everything is not under control, everything is not kosher, but yet I am still enjoying Jesus, hallelu! 

Eugene Smith, M.A. 

This blog does not reflect the Peace Corps or the United States of America. 

NATANGWE - He Is To Be Praised

I shared this with my mentor and friend:

You were right. I have found a place where I am finally coming into my own. It is a time where I am coming into myself. A time where I am fully the person whom I am meant to be. It is as if God is saying to me, "Here, this is it." The long awaited promise land that He promised so long ago. And as I come into my own I realized a few things. First, I no longer have to be what other people ask or want me to be. Second, I can be who God has called me to can be. And finally, I am walking into my destiny through this experience in Africa.

To be an African American returning to Africa has been a trying, overwhelming, but yet an amazing experience. Last week my friend and colleague gave me the name Natangwe from the Oshiwambo traditional tribal name. I have an African name now. The name means "God is to be praised." This is in all actuality what I am purposed for and to do. My purpose is to praise Him, my longing is to serve Him, my hearts desire is to make His Name GREAT among the Nations!

God has really brought me to a place where all my needs are met! And I'm literally living out Psalm 91 - I'm in His Shadow! If I'm in His shadow then I must be walking in His will because you never have a shadow unless you have a figure blocking a source of light causing the shadow to form. Sometimes God is blocking things from hitting us when we stay in His will. I don't know what it is but it's a mighty good feeling to be in His will.

"By faith Abraham obeyed when he was called to go out to a place that he was to receive as an inheritance. And he went out, not knowing where he was going. By faith he went to live in the land of promise, as in a foreign land, living in tents with Isaac and Jacob, heirs with him of the same promise. For he was looking forward to the city that has foundations, whose designer and builder is God." (Hebrews 11:8-10 ESV)

- Eugene Smith, M.A.

Their Eyes Were Watching God

I just finished the classic novel, "Their Eyes Were Watching God," by novelist Zora Neale Hurston. "Ships at a distance have every man's wish on board," so begins the story of Janie as she is on a journey to find her authentic self and true love. Janie, the protagonist of the story, finds herself caught in a hurricane that is literal and figurative. It is through this hurricane that she finds herself. The force of a hurricane can throw any unfortunate person or object at will. Being caught in a hurricane and faced with the impending danger puts yourself at the mercy of the storm and the God of the storm. Figuratively Janie deals with the hurricane of life as she is forced to face the opinions of others as to what and who she is. Oftentimes Janie would “starched and ironed her face, forming it into just what people wanted to see...” Throughout the novel, Janie struggled to find herself, to emerge from what people wanted to see to what she wanted to be. In this story, Janie struggles to be recognized. The story of Janie helps us to understand black women's struggle with hierarchical systems of oppression. Janie is forced to deal with the hurricane of limited gender and race roles. This narrative is a depiction of one who questions issues of power, prejudice, and human fulfillment while achieving self-knowledge. Melissa Harris-Perry notes that Hurricane Katrina is a contemporary version of Hurston's novel (Sister Citizen). If we remember the hurricane and it's aftermath, you will note that there were issues of  race and hierarchical structures, powerful white institutions ignoring black suffering, and black men driven mad as they try to rescue others in the storm. All these are elements that are in Hurston's novel and the consequences of a natural disaster in modernity. 

Within my own studies, I began to analyze the book in the field of higher education. I relate Janie to the average college-age student, I would examine Tea Cake as the administrators of the college setting, and I would identify Motor Boat as those students that fall between the cracks of university life. Yes, I know that this a bit far-fetched but bare with me. As I study institutions of higher education and the field of education in general, I notice a significant trend among the students and how the institution interacts with the student. I see higher education as the hurricane in Hurston's novel, both literally and figuratively. The hurricane of higher education forces a student to the mercy of its power and throws them through four years or more of training to become what society deems as functioning citizens of the middle/working class. I would also suggest that higher education is the hurricane because students must navigate through four years of social, intellectual, and academic development to find their authentic self. The search for finding a student's authentic self has been recorded and theorized by a plethora of researchers. Theories such as Women's Ways of Knowing, Self-Authorship, and Chickering's Seven Vectors all have in common the notion of students finding their authentic self during their matriculation. It is the idea of mattering that I find to be of most importance. It is the ideas of being valued as a student and recognized by the system of higher education. Through this recognition of the student, one must find their authentic self while dismantling systems of oppression. After a conversation I had with my significant other, we noted that faculty and staff should be equally concerned about if the student understands the content and what happens to the student outside of the classroom setting. If one can understand the circumstances outside the class then he/she is in a better position to understand the student. Then a faculty or staff member will be able to gauge the level and type of challenge that should be given. At the same time, one would be able to know the necessary support to give to each student. The undesired behaviors of students (the outbursts), whether it is K-12 or Higher Ed, says to me that the student is crying out, "I don't feel that I am important, I don't matter, so why should I make this (the subject) important." 

Faculty and Student Affairs Professional should ensure that each and every student MATTERS! 

If you are wondering about my Peace Corps experience, I am fine. :) 

SERVE THE PEOPLE!

"Education is the great engine of personal development." - Nelson Mandela 

As I arrive to my community I am reminded of what U.S. Ambassador to Namibia, Wanda Nesbitt said to the newly initiated Peace Corps volunteers of Group 38. She stated that we should 1) be open minded, 2) be ready to listen, and 3) be ready to observe. These three things are essential to any volunteer as he/she begins to serve in the Peace Corps. I would like to add to these criterion by stating that one must be flexible, be willing to adapt, be determined, and acquire a certain level of resiliency. Most importantly, one must know that they are in their community to HELP. But one must be aware to avoid helping that hurts. This is a phrase that has so much packed in it. I recall seeing a book that was given to me called When Helping Hurts... (Note: I have not read it yet)

Now I have an innate intrinsic desire to help and serve others. But what I understand is that my desire to help should not hurt those who I seek to help. There could be various reasons and ways someone can unintentionally hurt someone by helping them. Without going through a list of those possibilities, I will sum it by stating that one should be cognizant of the culture, morals, values, and lifestyle of the people served. 

When entering a community you are the outsider and you have an outsiders perspective. That perspective is that it is obvious that the community you serve needs your help. However, one should not enter the community being judgmental of the culture. When you speak of perspective, you are speaking of perception. Your perception of the community is based on what you think should be the right way of doing things and then implementing the perceived needed change. I would pause here and ask - what makes your perception the right one? What makes the way you did things better than the way it was done before? What makes it the correct way of doing things? What if your perception of right looks wrong to the community you serve? Would you force your perception of right and wrong on the people you are serving? I would beg to differ! One should not force their ideals, values, and morals on someone because you don't think that way is right. 

On the contrary, you should listen first, observe second, be open minded and then work together in partnership with community leaders to develop a plan to better the community. This process should be inclusive and participatory. (PACA!) At the same time, the participants should set their own agenda and needs assessment so that they have a sense of ownership towards the development project. There should be a "buy-in" of the product that the community sees as the need, rather than what you see as the need. There is always talk by academics and people of the higher class as to what "we" should do for our community. But those same individuals are not present in developing the community. One should not be in the ivory tower of academia and suggest where "we" need to do.

Let us get out of the ivory tower of academia and work with the people we wish to serve. Dr. Cornel West poignantly stated that, "You can't lead the people if you don't love the people. You can't save the people if you don't serve the people." I concur with this sentiment. I would add that if you would like to save the people, you must work with the people - helping people develop the capacity to improve their own lives. If you are working alone, you are not doing development work. If you are evaluating alone, you are not building capacity and sustainable work. 

"Being confident of this that He who has begun a good work in you will perform it until the day of Jesus Christ." Phil. 1:6 

- E.H. Smith, M. A. 

TSINTSABIS, OSHIKOTO, NAMIBIA

Tsintsabis!

Wednesday, I found out my site. I am going to Tsintsabis in the Oshikoto region. Tsintsabis is 60 KM from Tsumeb (see map below). IT'S IN THE NORTH! I'm still shocked at this because I am learning a language called Afrikaans thats not common in the North. In fact, the village that I am going to speaks Khoekhoegowaba (KKG) which is one of the click languages. More surprising is that I will be working with the Bushmen/San people of Namibia. The San people is one of the original people's of the world. No one knows where they come from. Their ancestors stretch back to 30,000 years ago. This is evident in the clay paintings in caves found in parts of Namibia. 

So I will be living on the school grounds. I'm pretty much happy about my placement. That's because one of my duties will be to serve as a type of administrator. At least, that's what the job description says. The principal wants me to work on AIDS/HIV awareness campaigns, in the school library, computer training for teachers and learners, and (again) administrative work. This is so perfect for me as a student affairs professional. I have a background in college level administration. Now I have to adapt my skills and learn new skills for K-12 administration. If you know me or follow my work... I AM BEYOND ECSTATIC! You are supposed to go where Peace Corps tells you to go... It may not be exactly what I expected/wanted... But I can tell already that I know that this is where I am SUPPOSED to be! Ready to jump in with an open mind! 

"I came to theory because I was hurting — the pain within me was so intense that I could not go on living. I came to theory desperate, wanting to comprehend — to grasp what was happening around and within me. Most important, I wanted to make the hurt go away. I saw in theory then a location for healing." - bell hooks 

This blog does not represent the Peace Corps or the United States of America.

SPEAKING TRUTH TO POWER! Namibia, The Land of the Brave!

You have to see the people how they are living, to really understand the evil of apartheid, how evil it is for human beings to be cruel to other human beings... That is why we are working so hard for delivering services to the people... Nelson Mandela

 

"Emancipate yourself from mental slavery. None but ourselves can free our minds" (Bob Marley, Redemption Song). 

 

Two weeks ago I arrived in the beautiful contrasting land of Namibia, the Land of the Brave! I have had so many revelations since coming here. I hope I may share them with you all. I have decided not to write in my blog every week or twice a week. I will continue with only posting blogs once a month. This is due to a revelation I had about how much I blog and "being present." What I mean by this is that I have consciously decided to disconnect from the world. I have decided to disconnect from America and Western thinking and ways of knowing. I am doing this because it is important for me to fully integrate and immerse myself into the culture, the language, and the life here in Namibia. 

 

Although my Facebook may suggest I will be active on the Internet, the posting of pictures is meant to show family and friends back home what I am doing and the wonderful things I've seen. Also, on Saturday, (8.3.13) I purchased a cellphone that is extremely basic. It has the capability to text and call only Namibian numbers. I can receive international incoming calls. There is no Internet on it. I have yet to buy a device that allows me to have a mobile hot spot called a Netman. Again, this is to disconnect. Unfortunately, I have seen myself so caught up in the need for Internet and social networking that I am forgetting why I am here. I am here to help the people of Namibia. In order to do this I must be physically and mentally here! I cannot be physically here but mentally in the States. It's sort of like a relationship... You can't be physically with your counterpart but mentally somewhere else (on your phone!). I have had the misfortune of being caught by my significant other for being there but being on my phone  plenty of times! So I am trying to ensure that I am physically and mentally here in Namibia.
 

Moreover, the quote above really speaks to where I am mentally and how I view my role in Namibia for the next few months. I have to see how the people are living and live like the people in order to understand the people. I have to fully understand the evils of apartheid if I am to fully understand the people that I work with. Namibia is a relatively young country. It is only 23 years old! Strikingly, Namibia is still feeling the effects of apartheid. Stores and restaurants have a sign that says "right of admission reserved." This reminds me of the sign of "whites only." I understand that this means that certain people are not welcomed in certain establishments. If you were to study the history of Namibia, you would find a long history of a people fighting for independence.
 

Between 1884-1885, European Imperialist Powers decided which countries would occupy parts of Africa. Namibia was given to Germany and began the first stages of imperialism. Germany soon realized that Namibia was suitable for white settlement and colonialism. Shortly there after, conflicts between Germans and indigenous tribes began. The battle of Otjunda in the Gobabis area is where Germans suffered loses by Eastern Hereros. Reinforcements were brought in from Germany and they captured two leaders of the Mbabderus. They were executed in Okahandja. Hatred against the Germans arose among the tribal people.

 

The Germans continued to take the land and cattle of the tribes. The tribes felts that they were being robbed of their homeland. In 1904, the Hereros and Damas took up arms. Then the Namas and then the Owambo tribes joined and the country was in a full scale war. The Germans won and subjected the people to colonial oppression and were used as a type of slave labor for the German settlers. If you would look up the Genocide of the Hereros you will find that the 2nd Reich killed 65,000 Hereros between 1904-1909 (60% of the Herero population). It was a small scale version of the soon impending Holocaust of the Jews. To continue to paint this picture, deceased bodies of Hereros were sent to Germany for testing to prove the superiority of the German White Arian race. This racial science is seen throughout history and the notions of white supremacy began. It could be said that this all started here. At this point, I feel so connected to the people of Namibia and their struggle for independence. Can you imagine being enslaved in your own homeland? But many of us are still struggling with mental slavery! 

 

In 1919, South Africa took control over what was then called "Germany's South West Africa." After World War I, the League of Nations was established and took away all of Germany's colonies. Unfortunately, it was South Africa that introduced Apartheid Laws in Namibia and wanted to make it a part of South Africa. The Namibia people refused to be annexed by South Africa. Another conflict began to emerge! After WWII, the Namibians started to form modern political movements and petitioned the U.N. about South Africa's treatment of the Namibian people. The U.N. recognized the SWAPO as the sole representative of the Namibian people. Tremendous support was afforded to the SWAPO party in their efforts to liberate Namibia from the yoke of Apartheid colonialism. SWAPO launched the armed liberation struggle against South Africa in 1966. This was a brutal war! The Armed struggle for liberation lasted until 1988 when South Africa agreed for the implementation of the United Nations Security Council Resolution 435, which brought independence to Namibia on the 21st of March 1990. 

 

I named this article, speaking TRUTH to power because that is what the Namibia people have been doing for over 100 years. I am in solidarity with the people of Namibia because in my own ways I struggle to speak TRUTH to powers that systematically oppress and marginalize minority groups... ALL GROUPS! I am slowly becoming what is called a "black male feminist." In a self made definition of this concept, I am actively learning and challenging male privilege and ways that oppress women, in particular black women. I often read essays from bell hooks, Patricia Hill-Collins, Melissa Harris-Perry, and Angela Davis about dismantling oppressive institutional structures that systematically oppress black women. I have found that it is important for me - black men - to actively engage in the fight against male privilege, womanism, and sexism. As I come to know more about this topic and struggle with being aware of my privilege and how it affects black women, I actively challenge it. I am conscious not to marginalize men but I realize that womanism and sexism hurts both the male and female. bells hooks stated, "after hundreds of years of anti-racist struggle, more than ever before non-white people are currently calling attention the primary role white people must play in the anti-racist struggle. The same is true of the struggle to eradicate sexism - men have a primary role to play" (2004). 

 

In this context, I am in a country where males dominate and male privilege is apparent. It is my role as an educator to liberate the oppressed and the oppressor through the power of education. Namibia has a diverse population of tribal heritage. Also, females out number males 6 to 1. Namibia still feels the effects of Apartheid rule and women are the most poor, unemployed, and dispossessed. As I continue my training, I am becoming aware of all of these factors that make up this wonderful country. As I am aware of these things, I begin to think about my role and what I wish to accomplish and achieve in the next two years. It is my hope that you will help me in this journey of self discovery as I struggle to combat the issues that face today's Namibia.

 

I will leave you with an excerpt from bell hooks' Writing Beyond Race. It states, "despite the legacy of struggle, of commitment to freedom and justice, we are witnessing at this time a consolidated attempt on the part of combined forces of domination - what many of us consistently and courageously call imperialist white supremacist capitalist patriarchy - to kill this spirit of RESISTANCE, and in the process create a culture without hope, a culture wherein the belief that materialism is all that matters and the beliefs that the politics of greed is the only real foundation needed to give life meaning will reign supreme."

 

- E.H. Smith, M. A. 

"The unexamined life is not worth living."

This blog does not represent the Peace Corps or the United States of America.

AM I AMERICAN OR AM I NEGRO? CAN I BE BOTH?

"Trust in The Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding." - Proverbs 3:5 ESV

So this is it! I must admit that this moment is bittersweet. On one end of the spectrum, I am leaving my family, friends and loved ones behind. On the other end, I am getting ready to embark on a new journey! I am writing this blog as another installment in the birth of my journey into the Peace Corps. This blog will be straight and to the point because I do not have a lot to say but what I do have to say is sure to be impactful to the reader.

Today I will begin my journey to Namibia. Although, you might say that I really began my journey on August 18th when I submitted my application. That was 11 months and 3 days ago! It has taken me that long to go through all of the hurdles of a very competitive program. The endless essays using the words - help, impact, support, encourage - without fully knowing the meaning of those words and the context in which I was to use them. That was 11 months and 3 days of watching countless hours of Peace Corps related material on YouTube. That was 11 months and 3 days of explaining to family and friends WHY IN THE WORLD I would go into the Peace Corps, how it connects to my greater career goals, the cultural exposure and educational benefits. Not to mention the dreaded question where I would literally begin convincing people that going into the Peace Corps is not just for White Americans. I would laugh when I heard, "that's what rich white kids do," or "I just don't see how the Peace Corps impacts the black community." The most famous line I heard when explaining my reasoning for going into the Peace Corps was related to the fact that what I will be doing in Namibia I can do at any inner city public school system, in particular, South Baltimore. The comments are valid and came from the heart of that persons perspective. However, I would challenge us to begin to dig deeper and think differently about the way we view these types of opportunities. For instance, African Americans disportionately join the Peace Corps. Even more striking is the amount of black males who join the Peace Corps. This has been a historic trend since the inception of such an organization. The organization has failed to attract African Americans. In 1961-1971, the Peace Corps had several campaigns to encourage black Americans to join its ranks. One campaign was called "Integration: Token or Reality," in which it sought to educate trainees on civil rights issues of the day and how the Peace Corps is actively combating these inequalities. During the 60s, the nation was divided with the civil rights movements that had leaders such as Malcolm X, Martin Luther King, Jr., and James Baldwin. Malcolm X was critical of the Peace Corps and created a negative connotation about the organization. He called the organization and its volunteers, "spies subjugating Africa in the guise of assisting it." Malcolm X further stated about black volunteers that they were "race traitors and (traitors) of the rightful cause." Hence, since the inception of the Peace Corps black Americans have pause and question the organization and question the role of black volunteers participation. I would reason this same mentality is carried today.

To make these statements more relevant, I can tell you exactly how I feel in this space. Rather than continue to question my own reasoning for joining the Peace Corps, I began to do my own research. As I struggled with these feelings and having to deal with the awkward space that I have placed myself in, I had an "ah-ha" moment. An "ah-ha" moment came when I read an article titled "Beyond Double Consciousness: Black Peace Corps Volunteers in Africa, 1961-1971." This article was of particular interest to me as it allowed me to deal with this space of race and the connondrum that I found myself in.

Of course, the article leans on the Du Bois concept of double consciousness from his historic book, "The Souls of Black Folk." The concept of double consciousness is brought to the foreground of his dialogue when Du Bois asks, "AM I AMERICAN OR AM I NEGRO? CAN I BE BOTH?" Du Bois responded with a hardy yes! This was to affirm that the African American was in fact dealing with two conscious spaces. The first space is the NEGRO space. The second is the AMERICAN space. At the heart of the discussion is the struggle to deal with being a Black man and having to be an American. These are the same feelings that I have right now. Going to the Peace Corps is like leaving my community because there is so much work that needs to be done here. But on the other hand, I want to serve my country.

Yet, the struggles of a Black man in America are different than any other individual in America, albeit, the planet. The black man has to deal with "walking while black," as we have seen from the recent Trayvon Martin verdict of not guilty. The question is how can I be safe as a Black man in America? What the case really says to me is that the black man's life is not valued in America. Juror B-37 said flat out that there was no connection to Martin. They felt as if they did not know him. Although these points may seem off key from the greater conversation, the context of the situation does fit! The present feeling among Black America is that we are hurt for many reasons. But we have realized that a system that was not meant for us cannot protect us!

As a Black Man in America going into the Peace Corps how do I respond to such blatant attacks on the black man? This awkward space I find myself in is weird! On one hand, I am proud to serve my country as an American and stand up with fellow volunteers to spread peace and friendship with other countries on behalf of the United States. On the other hand, I am concerned that I live in an America that does not value black life... AT ALL. And I am referring to black on black crime as well (Chicago, Memphis, and other urban cities). On yet another hand, I am coming into the realization that I am just a human being in the human experience. Dr. King once stated that "we are all inescapably tied to each others destiny." (Paraphrase) What one does impacts and effects the other. I am moving into what the Beyond Double Consciousness article describes as "universal oneness," where I have racial pride but I am cognizant of the belief that humanity is one. Sargent Shriver stated it poignantly in a speech at the inception of the Peace Corps. I will leave you with this thought - "When will the ugly incidents of Montgomery and Birgmingham cease to be? Only when every man becomes a person to every other man." When will the Trayvon Martin's cease to be? Only when every black man becomes a person to every OTHER man!

We are in a Zenith and Nadir moment in America... We are approaching a 3rd Reconstruction era of America.

- Eugene H. Smith, M. A.
Twitter: @eugene_smith88

This blog does not represent the Peace Corps or the United States of America.