Yesterday, I received an email that
denied my application to a doctoral program. The words of the emailed seared
through my eyes. The author stated (with more or less words), "Thank you
for your application to... We were really impressed with your credentials.
Unfortunately, there were more qualified applicants this enrollment
period..." And then the words became very blurry and my heart sank to my
stomach. Automatically I thought, what am I going to do? I didn't get in. What
am I going to do? I have to change my career. What am I going to do? Is there
something I did wrong? What am I going to do? What were my weaknesses? What am
I going to do? Well at least they were very impressed.... BUT WHAT AM I GOING
TO DO?
I received this email while at a
Safe Space training that focused on being an ally for the LGBTQA community. In one
of our breakout sessions, we talked about how everyone has their own journey and
everyone processes things differently than others. We talked about how
individuals process and manage multiple identities. We discussed how one grows
into who they are. We broke down intersectional identities of race, class,
gender, sex and external societal pressures. We talked about how one deals with
the mixed messages of the media and combating those messages with positive
thinking. But one thing stuck to my mind which is the "process" of
growth and development.
Instead of sulking, mourning, and
being in a period of sadness because I did not get into the program, I would
rather use this moment to think about the process. I should use this moment to
process my thoughts, feelings, and emotions. The process to find myself and who
I am becoming. This morning I began to unpack my thoughts. I decided that this
is a great time to reflect on my own development and journey as a student
affairs professional. It’s the possibility of having a dream come true that
makes life interesting (The Alchemist). When I think about the process and
where I am in my own journey I settled that it's okay. I'm 26 with four years
of experience. I'm right where I should be. All things are working out for my
good. I don't have to think about my strengths or weaknesses. I don't have to
think about what went wrong. I don't have to think about how I can get better.
I don't have to doubt myself or look down upon myself. It's okay!
I just need to think about the
process. I am becoming who I am. This is great time and opportunity to think
about my niche and what I'm good at. I have a great opportunity to think about
who I am and where I want to go and who I want to become. I would have to say that I have a very positive outlook on the process and the outcome as I follow my
Personal Legend.
“And, when you want something, all the universe conspires in
helping you to achieve it.”
― Paulo Coelho, The Alchemist
― Paulo Coelho, The Alchemist
I still have my motivation. I will
become a doctoral student. It's all apart of the process.
Thanks for reading. Feedback is
appreciated.
